So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
