Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
