Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
