I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
