its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
