all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
