i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
