I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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