I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
