can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
