I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
