Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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