Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
