my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize