Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
