she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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