All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
