So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i will never coherently bang her
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
