So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
