I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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