ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
