Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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