I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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