How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
