he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
