apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
