4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
