my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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