you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
