Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
They took my balls.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
