Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
