Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
