Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
