bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
