He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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