This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
