my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
