Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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