Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
