I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize