I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
