Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
