all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
