He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
