Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
