Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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