Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
birth control should be required to get into college
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So much Jack, so little girl.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
