evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I love having hate sex.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
