Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
