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You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
