It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
