I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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