i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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