so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I believe in your delicious
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize