So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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