I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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