u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize