I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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