Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
home. puking in laundry basket.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
