My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
