I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
