oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
