Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
